Letters to Stan
by Serpentine Lullaby
Summary: Kyle was forced to move half way across the country for reasons only he knows. Through the letters Stan receives from him he's finally able to piece together. Style kind of
1. Letter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own **South Park**. I am not Matt Stone or Tray Parker nor am I even male.

**A/N: **This is my first S.P. fic... x I hope it isn't crap. This is just the beginning. Sometimes you'll see Stan's reactions, other times you'll only see Kyle's reaction to Stan's reaction.

Dear Stan~

What happens when one gets tired of life? Not meaning they want to die, but just stop living. When they're so tired of all the bullshit they go through every day, when they start seeing breathing as a pointless task? When nothing is going right anymore and the world and turned they're heart cold?

That's how I'm feeling about now. Honestly I'm just tired of breathing, blinking, eating, taking up space when someone could use this place I'm just taking up and do something worth while with it. Anybody could live this life better then I could. I've been given so many gifts, and I'm just wasting them, I've been given so many great friends, and I don't deserve them.

I'm undeserving of everything.

The pressure finally made its way to my brain and it shut down the only way it knew how. The way my mother was, the way Cartman treated me, school, everything finally got to me. Kenny became infatuated with Butters… and you had Wendy. Its not that you didn't have time for me, heck you blew her off for me way more then you blew me off for her, its just to much…

Nobody would ever expect this from me, huh? This is more your thing, huh Stan? I'm the one who's always smiling, endlessly happy… But that's only what I want everybody to thank, including you Stan. Inside I'm dying.

No I take that back.

I think I dyed a long time ago.

I don't even know how it happened, I just woke up one day and didn't care. About anything. I felt so empty, but not. It was so easy to get lost in that feeling and I started seeing everywhere my life sucked.

I take that back to. I cared, and still do, about you, but that was about it. The world could have rotted to hell and I would laugh.

Morbid? Yes, majorly.

Sad? Yes.

Do you care? Probably, but I'm not you so I can't tell for sure.

Do I? No... sick isn't? How far away I've drifted I mean. Its even sadder that I realize this but do nothing about it.

This is my cry for help.

I'm far beyond my own help.

Will you come for me?

I don't know… But I want you to. Hell I just want you.

Love kill, did you know?

Falling in love with you didn't make this happen though, it was just the last straw you could say. Seeing you with Wendy just…

It made me realize that you were the only thing that mattered in this life. Nothing else was important to me. Nothing else is still important to me. My looks are meaningless because you don't _see_ me. My intelligence is useless because I can't _figure_ out a way to make you _love_ me. My art skills are worthless because I could never _capture _your likeness no matter how hard I tried.

This letter is crazy, right? A cry for help turned into a love note.

I'm a sick twisted person.

I can't take anymore.

~Kyle


	2. Letter 2

**Disclaimer:** I'm still not Matt Stone or Tray Parker and the last time I checked I was still female.

**A/N: **So… is it suck-tacular? It will be a little confusing at times, but it's like hearing one side of a phone conversation, you really don't hear how the other person reacts to what your hearing.

_**Letter 2**_

Stan~

I'm sorry. I think the heat here is finally getting to me. It's only spring and its hotter here then South Park ever was, even in summer. Its causing problems with my sleeping pattern because I want to be up at night when its cooler, but I still have school during the day so I haven't been getting very much sleep.

I didn't mean it like that. Please don't get mad. I really don't know what I meant. Just so lost in the tide, you know?

I really have no way to explain it dude. I have no reasoning no other explanation to give you.

Maybe insanity?

But that's how I feel. Maybe it happened when I found out we were moving to this miserable place. I knew long before anybody else did. The emptiness knowing that one day I wouldn't wake up and be able to run a couple of blocks and see you. It was just… just… just…

Heartbreaking.

I should have told you on the phone? Dude do you know how awkward that would be? "Hey Stan! Yeah I miss you too. Oh by the way I feel dead inside~ ! I'll talk to you later! Bye Stan!" How would that have been?

I didn't tell you before I left because I was leaving. I mean all that would have accomplished was more heartache. Did you really break up with Wendy over this? Why?

All I have to say is: I'm sorry. I've never felt so lost and insecure in my life. I know that your just a few states away but it feels like your on the other side of the world. I have no friends, still, nobody seems to like me, at all, and so far everybody's just ignored me.

Oh and my parents are talking about moving again. England this time. That's what brought this all to the surface finally…

I miss the stupid, simplicity of South Park. I miss the adventures, I miss the snow, I miss the retarded adults, I miss my friends, I miss Kenny, the smell of cow, hell I even miss Cartman, but if you tell him that I'll make sure you suffer…

But most of all… I miss you Stan.

Everything keeps getting harder the further away from you I get.

Yeah dude I really meant it. I love you.

~Kyle

**A/N:** This chapter was kind of awkward and I'll probably start working on the next one before I go to bed. ^-^


	3. Letter 3

**Disclaimer: **Still female, still not Tray Paker or Matt Stone, still don't own South Park.

**A/N: **These are pretty easy to write. I may update a couple times one day then go a week or more with nothing… Mainly because I'll probably get wrapped up in life (aka My kkm fics which are in need of some major love)

_**Letter 3**_

Stan~

I am doing better actually. The worlds not so against me and its not so dark and cold anymore.

Meaning I'm not being an emo pussy anymore. I've also made a friend in this miserable place. She's… different. Actually she reminds me a lot of you only she's pervy like Kenny. Her perverseness is how we met really. Her and her (ex) boyfriend got into a fight – he's kind of a controlling douche bag – and he told her she couldn't do anything with anybody else so she pushed me up against my locker and kissed me…

I was shocked to say the least.

And when he came at me she kicked his ass herself and apologized to me for causing me trouble.

There are a couple of downsides though to this new friend. She's an anime fan. And not just any anime fan a yaoi fan. If you don't know what that is look it up because I don't have the heart to tell you.

Besides that things are getting easier for me, and people are starting to lay off me so I have actual time to study which is bringing my grades back.

Cartman did what now? You're joking right? And I'm missing it?! Jesus Christ, dude! Why couldn't that have happened while I was there. I can't believe that his mom actually is finally making him lose weight. It's about damn time if you ask me.

So how is South Park with out me? Anything crazy happen while I've been gone? I know things have been crazy here…

But they're getting better. Things are looking up.

~Kyle


	4. Letter 4

**Disclaimer: **-stares-

**A/N:** I show some Damien love this chapter. Damien has become my new fixation… Anyway we hear from Stan also this time (mainly because I wanted to make this chapter longer but whatev.)

Stan~

Yeah that's really what a yaoi fangirl is… And fyi they're scarier then the description. I let it slip our relationship to her and she held me down and demanded to know every little detail. Luckily for me her mom walked in and started scolding her. "What in the hell are you doing to the poor boy?!" Seems her mom has gotten her all figured out.

She is a strange girl to say the least.

Well I finally found my phone charger, but my battery is dead. Not meaning it needs charged but as in it needs replaced. My parents won't buy me a new one and won't allow me to touch the money I have in the bank which pisses me off.

But good news is our internet and home phone will be on before the end of the week. Your going to be the first person I call dude! That is if mom and dad stay off the phone for more then five minutes.

Ike's pretty happy here. He's made way more friends then I have, even with him being skipped up so much. Girls are all over him. Its sickening.

Really? Damien just walked up and killed him? That doesn't seem very much like Damien.

I have lots of homework to do, more then I ever had when I was there, and mom's yelling to me about dinner. Sorry the letters so short dude, but there really isn't much to tell.

~Kyle

Kyle~

I just realized you haven't told me her name yet. Did you forget or did you think that you already had? I don't know any yaoi fangirls, but they already scare me, but if you actually like her then she can't be too bad.

Your parents always piss you off, but maybe you can use this logic to finally make them let you get a job.

Dude I'm so looking forward to it. I really miss you. Don't forget to call Kenny to. He misses you too. And while we're on the subject of Kenny. No Damien didn't just walk up and kiss him. He came up out of the fucking ground eyes glowing teethe bared and these giant black wings. It would have been awesome if I wasn't so terrified, even Cartman took a couple of steps back, but you know Kenny, he just stood there with a smile. All Damien said was "I told you I'd come for you." He reached out grabbed the front of Kenny's shirt and disappeared. And Kenny just fell over dead.

Damien gotten pretty cool over the last few years but every time he does something like that it always makes me question weather or not he's completely there. I mean his life obviously isn't easy…

I'll have to ask Kenny what that was all about.

Dude don't worry about. Any letter is better then no letter, right?

~Stan


End file.
